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The Sister Scoop

Transitions Trigger My Anxiety

This year has brought about a lot of change in my life, and, if I’m being honest, I don’t do so well with change. Never have. Probably never will.

Change, for me, is not about “going with the flow” or “riding the tide” with serenity, confident that things will all work out. I mean who in her right mind is willing to give up that much control? In my world, change means trespassers are storming the gates and—not being certain if they are good trespassers or bad trespassers—I must gear up for battle.

I guess you’re not surprised that, in my life, change=anxiety.

So here’s what has changed in the last eighteen months:  I was diagnosed with Celiac (which means no more gluten which—in cake and cookie form—was the mainstay of my diet), I left a job I had loved for 13 years, I went on hormone therapy, my daughter got married, and my youngest child graduated from high school (and left for college a thousand miles away). Did I mention I am turning 50 this year?

Needless to say, we upped that Prozac just a tad…

And starting meditating…

And increased my exercise…

I even started one of those gratitude journals Oprah’s always going on about.

Guess what? I’m still anxious.

In an effort to work through some of this anxiety, I asked myself why transition upsets me so much. After all, going to college, starting a career, getting married and having children were all major changes in my life and yet I pursued and embraced them. Maybe it’s age-related. Perhaps younger me was better equipped to handle anxiety than I am now. Remembering my ulcers in college, panic attacks before my wedding and post-partum depression after the birth of my son, I think not.

Were those transitions inherently less anxiety-provoking than the ones I am currently facing? No—I think starting a family is right up there with death in terms of life-altering moments.

So why is my anxiety so pronounced during this particular period of transition?

“You ask that question every year,” Mags reminds me. “You have an anxiety disorder. That’s why you are anxious during transitions. And during periods of non-transition.”

It’s so simple but true. Managing anxiety means reminding yourself (and other anxiety sisters) that the answer to “why?” will always be the same: “Because you have an anxiety disorder.” I guess it’s the same for diabetics—they don’t search for meaning in each occasion that their blood sugar was out of control. They just accept that blood sugar issues are part of their condition. Sometimes it’s worse and sometimes it’s better. That’s just how it works.

Transitions are part of life. And anxiety may very well accompany some (or all) of those changes. But accepting—perhaps even expecting that—keeps you from expending all that extra energy trying to figure out, once and for all, why you are feeling so anxious. Blocking all of that head spinning takes the edge off the anxiety and allows you to focus on other things. Like learning how to cook really yummy gluten free meals, celebrating the freedom empty nesters experience (you don’t have to do so much laundry if you spend most of your time naked!), planning a really great 50th birthday vacation, and working hard to help others cope with their anxiety.

Because the reality is, change=anxiety for lots of people and for most anxiety sufferers. Accept anxiety’s role in your life and you will be less and less surprised that it shows up when it does. And if you take away the element of surprise, anxiety loses a lot of its power.

My kids are moving on with their lives, I’m getting older and have to accommodate my body’s needs and challenges, I can’t eat store-bought cupcakes with icing anymore. OF COURSE I HAVE ANXIETY!

Although, if I could eat store-bought cupcakes with icing, I wouldn’t be able to feel the anxiety through the sugar-induced coma… *sigh*

How much time do you spend trying to figure out why you feel anxious? What would happen if you stopping doing that?


  • Barbs Clain
    March 23, 2017

    That is helpful. I find I’m an copy’s about one thing and it spirals into more anxiety.
    And I look more intensely at it, which causes more anxiety. So I’m going to try this, not dissecting my anxiety.

    • Abs
      March 23, 2017

      Hi Barbs!

      So glad you found the blog helpful. I have noticed a huge difference in my anxiety levels since I stopped obsessing about why I was feeling so anxious.
      I hope you have good results with this strategy too.


  • Liesl
    August 9, 2017

    I can relate so much to this. In the past year and a half everything that was familiar is gone. My dad passed away, we sold my parents house, I left my job for another which didn’t work out and I was let go, I started another job and we moved from my beloved house to a smaller one which I don’t like. My anxiety is through the roof. I am at my wits end.

  • Mags
    August 13, 2017

    Hi Liesl,
    When we lose our parents, the transition is monumental. Selling the family home can be so sad because home, literally, is gone…both physically and emotionally. Moving jobs and homes is another major stressor so no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Go gentle on yourself because that is so much stress.

  • Lisa
    August 19, 2017

    Love your post and the podcast , although I can’t seem to get Any new ones . Have y’all made anymore recently? If so where might i get them . Thanks so much for making me feel like it’s not just me 💗

    • Abs
      August 21, 2017

      Thank you, Lisa! All of our podcasts are on itunes, Soundcloud and our website (click on Resources, then podcasts). We’ve done 5 so far but will be doing more starting in September.

      Abs & Mags

  • Andria
    August 24, 2017

    Yes, my husband has been working 1st all summer, (he works at the school) and now he’s back to 2nd, I have been more anxious than normal and I do believe even this small change, has me that way. I agree we shouldn’t analyze the whys but it does help relieve some anxiety,when we can pin point it.

    • Abs
      August 28, 2017

      Absolutely! Understanding “the whys” is always helpful. But, for those of us who don’t always know why, it’s okay to assume that anxiety disorder is its own cause.

      Thank you for your comment!

      Abs & Mags

  • Sandy E
    March 23, 2018

    Had a terrible 2017. Dad had a stroke in March, my boss resigned end of April and no one hired until August, dad died end of June, closed our retail storefront July 1 and moved business home to sell online only, difficult transition with new supervisor until November, and helping my mother now…never had anxiety before but do now. Just hope it’s not permanent.


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